What the %@#&* is happening to me?!
It happened again. Another person drawn in.
A fairly new friend of mine was doing nothing but minding his own business. Well, actually he was consumed with his own business. Venting to God about said business. This idea of even talking to God as if he were really there is a new thing for my friend. But he was trying it out, and found out that it works. God responds. 
After a few times of doing this kind of prayer-therapy with God, venting his frustration and asking hard questions and directions regarding his own life, he called another friend of mine and had a very interesting question. Choking back tears, he whispered into his cell, “What the %@#&* is happening to me? I’m trying to pray but I keep saying words I don’t understand.”
This gets me thinking. How many people experience glossolalia (speaking in tongues) for the first time and have no idea that it is the Holy Spirit?
I had a friend in college who was en route to become a Catholic Priest, and when we got together one day and prayed, he was obviously moved on and began speaking in tongues.
I asked, “When were you first filled with the Holy Spirit?”
He said, “Is that what that gibberish funny-talk is?”
For me, I don’t think the Spirit is simply tongues, but I do think God has has poured his Spirit into people around the world and they have received supernatural power, a counselor, the Spirit of truth, a comforter and more … and they have no idea.
What stories can you tell of people who wondered what the %@#&* was happening to them, when it was just God at work … in them?
Decisions that define us
At The Journey, we’re making some decisions that clarify our goals as a church.
These are not goals, as in a destination … but goals as in the direction of our journey … they are declaration of intentions … borrowed from Graham Cooke.
Decisions that define us
We’ve decided that teaching the Gospel without demonstrating the gospel in not enough. Good preaching, good doctrine, being good people is not enough.
We’ve decided that having a good church club is not enough. Good fellowship is not enough. And just being a member of that club is not enough.
We’ve decided that having good Bible studies is good, but not good enough. That just making it to heaven is not our goal, and that knowing about God without truly knowing and experiencing God is meaningless.
We’ve decided that having good programs is not enough; that change without transformation is intolerable. And that staying the same is not an option.
We’ve decided that gifting without character is futile.
We’ve decided that singing songs without worshiping is hollow and having meetings without God showing up is pointless.
We’ve decided that having faith without works is not enough and having works without love is not acceptable – that our function comes out of our relationship first with the Father and second with each other.
We’ve decided that reading about the book of Acts without living the book of Acts is unthinkable.
We’ve decided that confident faith is good…..bold faith is better.
We’ve decided that hearing about the Holy Spirit without experiencing Him….. is silly. That believing in His presence without seeing it manifested in signs and wonders……is hypocrisy. That believing in healing without seeing people healed……is absurd. And that believing in deliverance without people being delivered………is absolutely ridiculous.
We’ve decided to be Holy Spirit filled, Holy Spirit led, and Holy Spirit empowered – anything less doesn’t work for us.
We’ve decided to be the ones telling the stories of God’s power – not the ones hearing about them.
We’ve decided that living saved, but not supernatural is living below our privilege and short of what Christ died for.
We’ve decided we’re a battleship not a cruise-ship! An Army not an audience! Special Forces not spectators! Missionaries not club members!
We’ve decided to value both pioneers and settlers – pioneers to expand our territory and settlers to build on those territories – but we are not people who take up space others have fought for without improving it … we are not squatters.
We’ve decided to be infectious instead of innocuous. Contagious instead of quarantined! Deadly instead of benign!
We’ve decided to be radical lovers and outrageous givers.
We’ve decided that we are a mission station not a museum.
Therefore:
We honor the past but we don’t live in it.
We live in the present with our eyes on the future.
We see past events – the successes and failures – as stepping stones not stop signs.
We pursue learning in order to be transformed, not learning in order to know.
We are people of engagement not observation.
We focus on what could be – not on what is or has been.
We are not limited to the four walls of this building – our influence is not restricted by location. Not even the nations are out of bounds.
We are more concerned about how many we send out into the world then how many we convince to come into the building. This building is meant to be filled and it will be – but it will NOT be the measure of who we are or the measure of our effectiveness.
We raise-up world changers, not tour guides. We train commandos, not committees.
We are a people of our destiny, not our history.
We’ve decided that it is better to fail while reaching for the impossible that God has planned for us than succeed in settling for less.
We’ve decided that nothing short of His Kingdom come and His will be done, in our world as it is in Heaven, will satisfy.
We’ve decided that we will not be satisfied until our world freaks out and cries out, “Those who have turned the world upside down have come here too.”
These are some of the decisions that define who we are as a community and how we live our lives.
These decisions are not destinations – but rather a journey – a journey along an ancient path – we’ve not found some new way – but rather rediscovered the path as old as Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. The same path followed by Moses, Joshua and Caleb – Paul, John and Peter.
The path followed by the first century church – a church that revolutionized the culture of the first century and beyond.
It’s a path that will impact the world we live in today. It’s a path of Bold Faith – believing that what God says is really true and acting on it.
It’s a path of Outrageous Generosity – giving our life away in order to demonstrate His Kingdom.
It’s a path of Radical Love – loving God with EVERYTHING in us and our neighbor as ourselves.
This is a path of liberty, freedom and healing.
On this path – you will find significance, purpose, and destiny.
It is a path less traveled however – it’s not a path only available to a select few – but to whosoever will … they may come.
It’s for people of EVERY nation, tribe and tongue – for those in any occupation or vocation.
No matter where you are in your journey – there’s room on this path for you.
Trouble Brewing: A relaxed attitude toward drinking?
It seems that almost all denominations and churches are having to re-establish the essentials of The Faith from the non-essentials of their personal convictions. Old traditions, customs and “our way of doing things” are being weighed and found wanting. Christianity Today published a very telling article about the Southern Baptist and other organization’s struggle for clarity on the issue of alcohol and their ministers. This is one issue, but how it is being handled is very telling of a bigger problem. Are churches and leadership and denominational structures willing to separate the essentials of the faith from their faith traditions? At this point, do they know what the essentials are anymore?
Does anyone really focus on the essentials of the faith anymore? Can someone step outside their traditions and not be labeled a heretic by those closest to them?
For the 15 years, I’ve been a part of an organization myself that has held a strong stance against the drinking of alcohol since the 50’s (they drink nothing at all … not even in moderation). It is preached and taught against. It is looked down upon, but it is strangely not in their beloved articles of faith; though they do declare boldly that they wholly disapprove of co-ed gym classes where boys and girls play baseball together.
What’s the point, you may ask? My point is that I know we have to have “house rules” for churches and organizations. But we need to call a spade a spade, and house rules are based on the personal convictions or even the spiritual convictions of a church’s or denominational leader. Okay, I get that. It is leadership. God expected Moses to draw a line around Mt. Sinai where the people couldn’t cross over, and then didn’t tell Moses the details of where the line should be. That’s what pastors … of which I am one … that’s what we do. But the reason I have chosen this particular ministerial organization to be part of is because of their Fundamental Doctrine; it is so pure and simple. Every organization has house rules, but when the house rules overshadow the essentials in importance, there is a major problem.
But can we please have some honesty? Can we have some thorough study of scripture, without trying to start with a conclusion and find out how the Bible can support it? Yes, alcohol can be abused. So can coffee. I myself am having to limit myself because coffee is tearing up my stomach one drink at a time. But the issue isn’t really about alcohol, or music styles, or tatoos, or church-appropriate clothing, or hair length, or tithing. What does the Bible label sin? What does the Bible say will keep someone from the kingdom? That is our list of don’ts. If a pastor or denomination has personal convictions or spiritual convictions given by God above this list of don’ts, please explain the biblical principle behind that conviction … and don’t declare it as sin.
I’m truly afraid we have brought many personal convictions into the essentials of the Faith and called them necessary. It is confusing new converts, which is frustrating those who have been in our churches for awhile and don’t wrestle with these questions anymore.
The Christianity Today article, which is a good read by the way, is a good indicator of where denominations are changing on their view of alcohol … but this is really only a surface level issue. The bigger issue remains untouched.
What say ye?
Why is the Apostolic Doctrine best suited to affect our society?
Why is the Apostolic Doctrine is best suited to affect our society?
Experience.
Our society wants something experiential, not blind obedience to theology. They desire something tangible, not something philosophical. They want feelings to accompany their faith, to see the supernatural in the natural, to experience the unexplainable. They want to taste what God “supposedly” has to offer, something substantial that proves it is worth doing, it is worth living, it is worth sacrificing for, it is worth trying.
They want a salvation that will enable them to quit addictions, that helps them sleep at night, and gives them peace, courage, direction, wisdom, and forgiveness each time they stumble. They want to know they are “saved” and have become “right with God”, and to have a mile marker experience where they can look back and know exactly when it happened. They want a salvation that cannot be manipulated, something reliable in an unreliable world. They want something more than mere opinion and theology. They want an experience with God himself!
In almost every church that holds to the Apostle’s Doctrine and in homes or families that hold to this doctrine, someone at anytime can physically, emotionally, and spiritually experience God’s answer to these demands. Note: Apostles’ Doctrine or Teaching is a biblical phrase used in Acts 2:42 that refers to how people apply the Gospel to their lives, Acts 2:38. It is this application that is so crucial. Because “believing” in Jesus alone, as we have seen it in American Christian Society, is not enough. This only changes surface level behaviors. Our society needs a baptism of the Holy Spirit to infuse them with true life-changing power.
Bottom line: our friends, family, co-workers, and our society in general needs an experience with God.
The source of this experience is the Holy Spirit. This is not some lofty idea preached from a pulpit, but God himself manifesting himself to the person. In most cases, it is a tangible experience that becomes their concrete evidence of the invisible God. It becomes their proof of God. It becomes their proof of his love and care for them.
The very thing that our culture is seeking … some type of experience that changes them … we have. We do not believe a gospel that is only mental, but is spiritual and physical. God still heals. Miracles still happen. God still answers prayer. God still delivers from addictions. God still moves among us. God still speaks to anyone who will listen. God cares enough about us to be with us in the middle of our messy lives.
Our society needs this kind of church. And this is the kind of church I want to be a part of.
Join in and refuse to be content with a church that does not experience God. Strive for real relationship with Him. Push through your religious barriers and old unbiblical concepts of God. Invite Him to move on you, fill you, change you. Experience Him. Tell others about it. Watch God change them too.
The Happy Self-Focused Life: Part 2
On page 972 of my newest book The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Tuning Out God: How to Eradicate Conviction and Live a Happy Self-Focused Life, I have listed important practices that must be done in order to be free of that “inspiring” and “convicting” voice of God. 
These are 15 sure-fire methods for eradicating the voice of the Holy One in your life so you can be the ONLY ONE who tells you what to do.
Procrastination is always helpful: This is one of those little secrets that many don’t know about. When you feel like you’ve heard that voice again, and are about to give in and “obey” . . . that is when you need to procrastinate. You may lose that battle, but the beautiful thing about waiting and waiting is that you build up a resistance. Next time you can hold out even longer, and before long, you can just laugh as he wastes his energy speaking to you . . . because you’ll never get around to doing it anyway.
Don’t underestimate the power of delaying something. If you can put it off long enough, you’ll be dead and won’t have to worry about any of this.
The benefit of procrastination: it will eventually lead you to a very warm place (unlike Alaska) where God will never talk to you again.
Attitude is everything: If you’re going to shut out the voice, you’ve got to have the right attitude. Don’t get over past hurts; let them make you bitter. Don’t submit yourself to anyone; rebellion is a great “inspiration” deflector. Talk bad about everybody and everything; gossip never fails.
Other good attitudes to have on hand: Pride, Negativity, Lust, Apathy, Laziness, Anger, Lewdness, Guilt. They all work really well to keep God’s voice at bay.
God failed you before: Everyone has had times when they trusted God to do something for them and he failed. That shows that he cannot be trusted to know what’s best for you. First, you need to hold on to those past hurts and don’t get over them. He hates that. Second, never trust him again. That will make him keep his comments and suggestions to himself.
Watch as much TV and as many movies as possible: Allow the media to consume your thoughts. Get as much impure music, magazines, and juicy internet sites in your brain as possible. This will help you create a whole new reality for yourself, one that doesn’t involve the Holy Spirit speaking to anyone.
The Happy Self-Focused life really thrives on immoral media … so get as much of it in your head as possible, and soon, you won’t be able to think of anything else except for people who only exist in TV-land or the internet.
Fasting is for the poor: This is something you don’t want to do if you are on the No-Spirit Diet. There are two kinds of fasting: one where people intentionally do it to tune into the Spirit’s voice, and the other where people want to lose the chub. Either way, it’s hard, it’s no fun, and it’s not popular. But it’s the intention that counts here. If you avoid jelly donuts because you want to lose weight . . . great . . . hope you lose everything your can. Avoiding food for that reason will not likely “tune you into the Spirit.” If it does happen, it’s likely because you slipped in another area.
I can’t repeat it enough, The Happy Self-Focused life does not include any suffering. Eat to make yourself happy. Isn’t that what counts, your happiness?
Ask “Why?”: If the voice ever does speak to you, and tells you what to do, ask one little question, “Why?” This usually keeps him from speaking again . . . at least that day. It is a good short term voice-stopper. It shows God that you demand him to fully explain what he wants you to do and what will happen. Because he has a history of not liking this response, he will likely leave you alone.
Trick yourself: Never be honest with yourself. This may cause you to feel that you can’t handle what life throws at you. It is at that desperate point that the Spirit usually speaks words of comfort and guidance. To prevent this, you must always tell yourself that you are in control, you are the boss, everything is fine and dandy.
Repeat after me, “I am in control. I am my own boss. Everything is Fine and dandy!”
Tell yourself whatever you have to in order to live The Happy Self-Focused Life.
Allow yourself to be consumed with non-God stuff: When your mind is focused on buying things, how to dress, your self image, and other very important surface issues, it is nearly impossible to hear his voice. Be as materialistic as possible. Never put thought into such things as eternity, judgment, spirituality, creation, or purpose.
Tell him you’re just a nobody: If he keeps pestering you, just tell him you’re a nobody and that you would be no use to him. If he was really God, he’d know that he should find somebody else to invest in, because you are so bad or unchangeable. It is very helpful in shutting out his voice if you condemn yourself as much as possible. When you put yourself on a guilt trip, keeping your eyes on your own problems and not on him, most likely you won’t hear him at all.
It is all about you: No matter what your spouse or boss or friends say, it is all about you. The “it” I’m talking about here is simple: everything. Everything is about you. So don’t listen to people who talk about their issues; it is all about you. Don’t put up with starving nations; it is all about you. Don’t let God or the Bible make you feel that it is all about God or “serving others”; remind yourself that it is all about you. The earth doesn’t revolve around the sun, the sun revolves around you.
Don’t forget that you are the measurement of everything in life, anyone who disagrees has no idea what pleasure comes from living The Happy Self-Focused Life.
Follow these simple methods and soon, your conscience will be so calloused and seared, that not even God himself could speak to you. At that point, welcome to the Happy Self-Focused Life … or at least the Self-Focused life.
THINK:
- Why is it so important to hear God’s voice? How can we hear God’s voice?
- Did you notice yourself in any of the methods?
- Is there a quick fix to breaking ourselves from these God-silencing mindsets of living?
- Is there something you thought of, a method for eradicating God’s voice from your life, that wasn’t listed here? List it in the comment box.
The Happy Self-Focused Life: Part 1
The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Tuning Out God:
How to Eradicate Conviction and Live a Happy Self-Focused Life
Right off the bat, I’d like to say you don’t have to put up with that nagging voice inside you anymore. We’ve all seen people who have given in and done as “the Lord” or “the Spirit” guided them, but what did it get them? A new yacht? Popularity? An Olympic medal? NO . . . none of these. No fame or fortune at all. As far as we can tell, they got nothing but laughter, poverty, and didn’t get to have much fun at all. They made fools of themselves trying to do “the right thing”.
Well, that temptation can be altogether avoided. I’ve devised a few methods that you can put into practice right now in your own life that would eradicate that “voice of the Holy Spirit”.
On page 972 of my newest book The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Tuning Out God: How to Eradicate Conviction and Live a Happy Self-Focused Life, I have listed important practices that must be done in order to be free of that “inspiring” and “convicting” voice of God.
These are 15 sure-fire methods for eradicating the voice of the Holy One in your life so you can be the ONLY ONE who tells you what to do. 
Stay away from reading the Bible: It just confuses you and makes you think you should love everybody. Hello? Think about it folks. Reading such nonsense, especially on a regular basis, would have you so warped you would think that you are supposed to be hearing God’s voice. I cannot stress it enough! This is the one weakness you cannot have if you are trying to eradicate the Spirit’s voice in your life.
If you read the Bible, even in the least bit, you are taking in the words and instructions of God. You can’t tune out God if you keep reading about what he wants for people. What more can I say? If you are trying to live the Happy Self-Focused Life, don’t go near the Bible, and certainly don’t get into a regular pattern of reading and studying it.
Now Bible studies with other people … that may be a different thing altogether, granted that you never really get around to studying the Bible.
Avoid prayer altogether: This just makes his voice stronger. If you can avoid any and all types of prayer, then you have a healthy shot at losing his voice. If you hold out for awhile and give in just once, and begin talking to him . . . you’re done. He’ll start talking right back. You’ll never get rid of him. However, if you only do it just a few times each year, what harm could that do? It’s that prayer on a regular basis that you must avoid at all cost. That is how people tune in and can hardly ever tune out.
I can’t underestimate how quickly you can go from a short little prayer to being flooded with counsel from God … and you don’t want that. You want the Happy Self-Focused Life.
What do I do when I am not happy? I don’t pray. Here are some suggestions:
- Drink until the happiness comes
- Buy something nice for yourself. No money? Use credit cards or take out a loan … because what makes you happy right now is what really matters!
- The Best method: Cut ties with anyone who makes you unhappy … wife, husband, children, employer, friends.
Fellowship is for fools: I know some God-followers are interesting and not too bad to be around, but they have a tendency to pull you down to their level. Whatever you have to do, avoid those who hear “his voice” on a regular basis. You will know them by their actions. They are bad news and before long they will have you thinking and acting like them. Of course they may buy you dinner or lunch, and they may have offer to help you “anytime”, but don’t be fooled by their niceness. They just want to be around you so they can infect you.
Again, on this, just stick with other people you know are living The happy self-focused life … or at least the self-focused life.
Let them be your role models and the kind of people who do speak into your life. They have only good advice for being self-focused, because, HEY … IT”S ALL ABOUT YOU!
Stick with the unethical and the immoral: Those extreme Christians are all about ethics and morality. And since it’s those extreme one’s who keep hearing his voice, we should do the opposite of what they do. Avoid doing anything ethical or moral. If it involves honesty, integrity, goodness, reliability, or decency . . . avoid it like the plague. There are a lot of people who end up hearing his voice after doing a “good deed”, and that leads to more “good deeds”, which eventually gets you thinking about others and all kinds of “ministry” phooey. This is not about others; it’s all about you.
It isn’t sin (to me): My belief is that if it feels good, do it. Don’t let any preacher or Bible tell you what you can and can’t do. You are your own boss. If you like doing something, and others don’t like it or they think it is “wrong” or “sin” . . . well that’s just their opinion. We all have the right to our own opinion, and who’s opinion is right? YOURS is! So, if somebody says something in your life is sin, that’s good. Keep doing it! That will shut out the voice of the “holy one” for sure.
The only way to live The Happy Self-Focused Life is to do what pleases you at the moment.
It doesn’t matter if you don’t know much about anything at all, what is important is your opinion.
Please see part 2 of The Happy Self-Focused Life.
Lent Day 25: The Crazies Come Out, But They’ve Been There All ALong
We’ve been fasting. We’ve been praying. And things are happening. Some things in the spiritual realm are stirred.
I got a phone call the other day from a man I don’t know and the conversation went like this:
Caller: Are you the pastor?
Me: Yes.
Caller: I have some things I want you to pray about. Do you have a pen and paper ready?
Me: Uhh … sure.
Caller: I’m requesting prayer for me and my soon to be wife. We’re both born again, Spirit-filled believers. But mostly I’d like you to pray for her because she is filled with the spirit of divination.
Me: LOL. (I didn’t say “LOL”. I actually laughed out loud). Did you just say you were both filled with the Spirit of God, and that she works for Satan and you want to marry her?
Caller: Yes, and according to my understanding of the demonic, blah blah blah. (Honestly, my ears were ringing and I had trouble focusing at this point)
Me: I don’t mean to be rude. But could you define what you mean by “spirit of divination”? Because we may not be talking about the same thing.
Caller: Yes, she reads palms, tarot cards, tells fortunes, dark magic and other stuff.
Me: I don’t mean to be offensive, but you are not filled with the Holy Spirit of God if you think God is leading you to connect your life to someone who actually works for Satan. And she is not Spirit filled either. How do you know you are Spirit-filled?
Caller: Sir, I don’t want to wrangle with you about doctrinal issues … blah blah blah … my opinion is … blah blah blah … and I’ve done spiritual mapping and had a friend fast for 35 days … blah blah blah.
Me: Again, how did you know you were filled with the Holy Spirit of God?
Caller: Like I said, I don’t want to wrangle about doctrinal issues. I’d just like you to pray for me and my wife to be that she would be delivered of this spirit of divination …
Me: Okay, let’s pray now.
YIKES!
Like bugs are drawn to light bulbs, the crazies are coming out and finding us. For the past 25 days we’ve been praying and fasting for our families, our church and our city. We’ve been seeking God for a great outpouring of the baptism of the Holy Spirit, a great manifestation of his presence, a pulling down of the spiritual strongholds that are demonic, and that our church becomes a hospital. And since the first week, things like this have been happening.
This guy’s phone call was not ironic it it’s timing. It was one of many times this last month that God has moved on desperate people in response to our prayer. The caller here was hurting, confused, ignorant of the truth, and in the midst of demonic activity. This is not a time for tolerance of other beliefs. This is when the church stands and proclaims Truth in love. The problem was that in the end, the caller was not willing to answer to the questions posed to him. He had all the answers and wanted to teach me all about demonic activity. He didn’t want to “wrangle about doctrinal things”, but was so far off base, that my instant reaction to his dilemma was not for prayer. He needs instruction in truth. He needed light shed on his personal situation. He needed to know that neither he nor she were full of the Holy Spirit. Maybe at one time they were, but now they were not. Repentance was needed. Willingness to re-evaluate Truth was needed. Exorcism was maybe needed. Infilling of God’s SPirit was definitely needed.
And the baptism of the spirit, or the infilling or indwelling, or countless other ways that the book of Acts labels it when a believer is initially filled with the Holy Spirit, it is identifiable the instant it happens. Check out Acts 2,4,8,10,19. They knew the very moment it happened. But yet, so many people are misled by a false-doctrine that the reception of the Holy Spirit is a “receiving Jesus into your heart” when you first believe. Not BIBLICAL! Look at the Biblical accounts. There is a physical manifestation so that the individual who is receiving the spirit will know and those around them will know also.
I prayed for the caller that day, and today. He represents a whole generation of knowledgeable people, thinking they are following after Jesus, but actually is following after his own pursuits and labeling them God’s. It is a religious mask for selfishness. It is demonic.
When the Spirit of Truth comes, Jesus said, he will guide us into all truth. And the Spirit of Truth is the Holy SPirit (John 14).
What does righteousness and wickeness have in common, the Apostle Paul asked in 2 Corinthians 6:14 … and what fellowship can light have with darkness … and what harmony can be between Christ and Belial?
Since receiving the Holy SPirit is essential for salvation (John 3, Romans 8), how do we know (Biblically) when a person has truly received the Holy Spirit? Read the Scriptures, think, and comment below.
Part 2: Fans, Fecal Matter, Ruts, and Praying Through
Here’s an example of a recent flinging onto our fan, and the way Ellen tore out of her rut and rose to the occasion:
For the past 3 months, we have been planning a trip out of town and we were really excited about taking our 7 year old foster daughter (AKA Ladybug, Squirt, Egyptian Princess). We’ve had her for almost a year and from what we can tell she’s never been anywhere except to Grief City. Our plans were put on hold when her diabolical biological mother refused to let her go with us and the social worker couldn’t be found.
The main excuse was that Ladybug would be missing her weekly visit with her mom, though no one seemed to mind when her mom had previously missed the visits for about 3 months while in jail. She had all 8 of her kids outsourced with relatives, and had only been in Ladybug’s life for about 7 months. So we didn’t think it was a big deal to go out of town for the weekend.
It was 2 days before our trip. The diabolical biological still refused to let her go, and the social worker hadn’t returned our calls or emails for the last 3 weeks. It looked like I would be going alone. Ellen wasn’t leaving Ladybug.
So, Ladybug and I were driving around town, getting things ready for the trip when she decided that she wanted to call her Mom. I handed her the cell phone. I winced at the the first thing the squirt said when her mom answered. “Did you change your mind yet? Can I go on this trip or what?”
I could hear the mom like she was sitting next to me. She didn’t say “Hello,” or, “How is my only daughter?” She just hollered, “Give the phone to Ellen!”
Ladybug leaned over and held the phone up to me, and I said, real loudly, “Ellen’s not here, and I’m driving and don’t like to talk on the phone while driving.” Ladybug looked at me funny. She knew I just lied. Her mom hung up.
Ellen, during this time, is at the church building. Ironically, she is praying for the diabolical biological. But she wasn’t at the worst case scenario kind of prayers yet. These were still nice prayers. Nice prayers go like this, “Open her eyes, Lord,” or, “Let your will be done in this situation, oh God,” or, “Please convince the social worker to check her voicemail and emails.”
A few minutes after Ladybug had called her mom, Ellen called me. She was crying. Ladybug poked me and wiggled her finger because I was now talking on the phone while driving, when just a minute ago it was suddenly against my religion. But the situation called for it. Something had happened to Ellen, and I was about to find out how close we were to our worst case scenario.
Evidently just when Ellen finished praying her nice, politically correct prayers for Ladybug’s mom, she got a call from her. Ellen saw the caller ID, thanked God for a quick answer to prayer and answered the phone.
Turn the fan on high. Cue the $#&!-flinger.
Diabolical biological went mental on Ellen. Her opening greeting was, “You better never cross me!” There were curses, threatenings, her attorneys were going to be called, and kidnapping charges were going to be filed. This was the worst case scenario. The $#&%! had hit the fan, with force.
You see, kidnapping charges would throw one heck of a monkey wrench into our adoption plans we had been working on for 2 ½ years. Just the charges, would put a halt to our plans and finances we had set aside to adopt twin boys from Ethiopia. This was our third attempt to adopt, and Ellen saw our future going down the drain in one conversation with a crazy lady who already had 9 kids she was unable to care for. Did I mention that diabolical biological was pregnant at the time, and had an abortion 6 months earlier? And Ellen and I can’t physically have kids of our own. Can you see the steam building pressure?
Ellen was livid. Her shaky voice informed me that if she did press charges, even though they wouldn’t hold up in court, we might lose our boys from Ethiopia and the chance to ever adopt kids. 
Her tone painted a picture that I was glad I wasn’t there to see. There was $#&%! in her hair, all over the table, the ceiling, and a little in her eye. It made her cry … and then something happened. Like Dr, David Banner getting angry and turning into a green, inconsolable Hulk; Ellen rapidly underwent a change.
I could hear her breathing through the phone line. On the other end of the line she was transforming into a seething, enraged hostile.
Diabolical biological better look out, because Ellen’s weapons are not of this world.
In every sense of the phrase, Ellen stood up. Trouble had come and she rose to the occasion to meet it the best way she knew how. She sprang out of her rut, and with a ticked off, passionate intensity she began praying for Ladybug’s mom again. Except, there was no political correctness to these prayers. This was not a time for being nice. It was war.
And once Ellen was out of her rut, suddenly everything became clear. She had given her life to God years ago, believed and lived by his word, seen him do miraculous things, and she instantly knew he would do what she asked of him. This fired her up.
She flew past the petty traditions of prayer and the rituals of approaching God, and began praying in the Spirit. She was not going to stop until God told her the issue was resolved and she felt peace about it. Many people call this kind of prayer “pushing through” or “praying through”. Basically it’s going after God in prayer until he does whatever you need.
Think of it this way. Imagine a giant ziploc bag full of wonderful cherry Jello, and you really love cherry Jello. The ziploc bag is much taller than you are, but you want the Jello so much you are willing to go through the plastic wall of the the bag. You know you won’t get the Jello by touching the plastic, and you won’t get it by just pushing on it. But with enough force, you can put your shoulder into it and push your finger into the plastic and through it enough to open up a big hole. At that point, the goodness of cherry Jello will be flowing all over you.
Sadly, the art of these kinds of “pushing through” prayers are not known to all believers. Most, at least in western culture, don’t even know they exist. But we were meant to be this way in prayer, pushing through any barriers and pulling down strongholds. It shoudl be normal to push through life and get a hold of God and his power.
With boldness, Ellen called out that day to God and began commanding that he honor his word and our lives and sacrifices. She was pushing, but it wasn’t Jello she was after. The more she prayed, the more the tension built and the more her faith rose to the occasion. The more she prayed, the clearer the whole situation became; the clearer everything became. God would answer. No matter the request, God would answer. The momentum of springing from her rut led to praying like she hadn’t done in years. It was deep and intense. It was loud and tearful. It was emotional and spiritual. It was the victorious-Ellen, out of hiding. She had pushed through. She had a hold of God.
Her prayers were not requests of God, instead, they were commands. And they were not nice at all. There was no politeness in her at that moment. You don’t get through by being polite and nice. If she had been recorded that day, I think her testimony would be forever inadmissible in any court of law. She would have made Ghengis Khan and the mafia run for cover. Once she’s out of her rut, she is the poster child of what it means when the “violent take the kingdom by force.” When she is out of her rut, she is a warrior without fear.
When someone loves intensely enough to push through to God, look out. Passion, love, prayer and God make an undefeatable mix.
She was propelled by the same frustration that motivated David when he prayed his battle prayers in Psalms (about God avenging and crushing his enemy, knocking out their teeth and destroying the wicked). Ellen put her face to the floor and began shouting out a few of her own demands, pounding the floor with her fists. I have seen her in this mode of prayer before, and when she’s in it there’s nothing that’s too big that she won’t pursue and tackle. At that moment, anything was possible because she had connected with God himself and he was backing her. She was unstoppable.
In the middle of Ellen pushing through and connecting with God, the phone rang again.
It was the diabolical biological. Only 15 minutes had gone by. Ellen answered the phone and heard her crying. She instantly apologized for the threats and begged Ellen to take Ladybug on the trip. Through her blubbering, she thanked Ellen for the care and love we had given her daughter. She even asked Ellen to pray for her. And right then, while Ellen was out of her rut, in victory mode, she was able to see her mom in a different light. She actually cared for her. She was a person in need of emotional healing, wholeness, God. With love and boldness, she prayed into the phone. With that same intensity that she used to press God to change this woman, she told God that they both needed a change that only he could bring, and that they desperately wanted his forgiveness and guidance. Has God begun to answer that part of the prayer yet? Time will tell.
I know how she prays, and I imagine she stood there with cell phone in one hand, and the the other hand lifted, point to God. Before it was all over, Ladybug’s mom wanted to know if she could come to our church. What a change of heart God can do in minutes … with those who serve him, and those who don’t.
This makes me think of her mom in a new light too. Who wouldn’t want to learn to pray like that? Who wouldn’t want to be able to touch God that quickly and thoroughly? Who wouldn’t want to feel that intensity and passion on a regular basis? This kind of passionate praying and it’s results are something that everyone wants, whether they are a believer or not. This is the main part of this story.
Any way you look at it, through this situation, God was showing us that when we jumped out of our velvet ruts, that he was there waiting to work with us. When we’re uncomfortable enough, we will pursue him, and he will be there to answer us.
I don’t want a life in constant contact with $#&%!-flingers.
I’d like to have a clean fan, house and life. I’d like to remain in my velvet rut where things are predictable and easy. But I cannot. When I am agitated enough to pray, I realize all over again that my prayers are powerful. And they are answered quickly! I have seen too much, experienced too much. I know too much to stay in this velvet rut.
I know that I am supposed to be a man of prayer, because I have seen God work through my agitated out-of-the-rut prayers. I have seen him change things that I have prayed for. And there are too many things that need to be changed in myself, my family, my church, and my city.
I am resolved to become the man of God that everything in me wants to become. Why wait? Why only jump out of the rut when the worst case scenario happens? Why only become a man of God and of prayer when things go bad? Why not use that same intensity to pursue God all the time? Right now!
I have written my own Psalm on this idea of ruts, fans and pushing through.
It is inspired by all the times I’ve jumped into spiritual action when the worst came upon me, and then I victoriously marched back into my velvet rut to live sleepily until the next awakening.
Please, O Lord, Let this $#&%!-flinger pass from me,
But I know my ease is not your plan.
You are calling me to a life out of my comfy, velvety rut
So give me the strength to spring out of it, and stay out
And in constant connection with you, pressed through.
Give me clarity to see you at work in my situations
And vision to see what my prayers can unleash you to do.
Help me be content with a dirty fan,
Only as long as you are with me through each flinging and cleaning.
Today, Lord, I put my trust in you, as I boldly march from this rut into the unknown.
Fans, Fecal Matter, Ruts and Praying Through: Part 1
I am ashamed at how little I actually pray.
I’m not talking about daily devotional prayers. I’m talking about really pressing through to God. As long as I’ve lived for God by now, shouldn’t I be a powerhouse of prayer? I mean, I’ve gone monk in so many different areas of my life, shouldn’t this one area of my spirituality come easier by now? As much as I’ve seen God do, shouldn’t I be among the masses with lips moving in conversation with God and hands outstretched to heal?
The reality of my prayerlessness is a mess I must confess. In my mind there is the “ideal me”. But that guy seems so far away. So I feel stuck with myself. God may accept me as I am, but I have trouble accepting me as I am; yet most days I am too apathetic to do anything to make a change. But I think about it … a lot.
I do what I’ve done since this rut began. Because it is easy. Because it is lined with velvet, and I am comfortably stuck.
I’d love to wake up each morning thinking about God in my life. But I don’t. Why am I am not daily impressed with God’s sunrise and the miracle of his restoration through the process of sleep? My morning routine starts with checking emails and blogs from people less inspiring than decaf coffee. I eat breakfast and flip through Cabela’s catalogs and motorcycle websites, not meditating on God’s word and what he might do in my day. I get to the Bible and prayer later, but the notion of it not being in the first part of my day has bothered me.
Always, as I’m in the middle of this routine every single morning, I feel something stirring deep within. I want to be studying scripture and talking with God. I really want to. I am always on the verge of just closing my laptop and planting my face into the carpet asking God to help me make the change of my life, where it would all be different from that moment on. Where I could know him and his presence and his love and power. But I don’t. I am trapped in my velvet rut. I go to another web page.
The only thing that gets me out of the rut: Trouble.
Pardon the cliche and it’s potential for offense, but I only muster up the motivation to jump out of my rut when the $#&%! hits the fan. Ironically, that’s when things become the clearest, and I have the motivation to sprint toward who I want to be. 
Why is it that when my fan is suddenly covered in $#&%!, and it has been flung onto the ceiling and walls and carpet and into my coffee cup, that I can suddenly muster the mental, physical and spiritual energy to spring from my rut, conquer said $#&%!-flinger, clean up the mess and then suddenly begin to do things I’ve wanted to do for a long time? And for a brief period, I can be the person I really want to be. It’s almost like one victory gives me the inspiration and gumption to make a stand, and when I realize that I am out of my rut, I might as well push forward. And stoked by the adrenaline and encouragement of one win, I purpose myself to more victories.
But the overcomer in me only stays out to conquor for a while. Somehow, it is the small things, or the daily grind, that nudges me back into my rut little by little. And there, stuck in comfort again, the Victorious-me is lulled back to sleep. And I am left with Regular-me.
When I think about it, I realize it is a cycle I keep going through, It seems that after I have survived the very thing I’ve feared and worried about for so long (the worst case scenario), that I feel that I can overcome anything. Ladies and gentlemen, strength is in me! I am the overcomer of all obstacles! Get your tickets to the gun show!
But that feeling of victory is always brief. It isn’t long before a different fear shows up for duty. A new and improved “worst case scenario” becomes all I can see, and my recently cleaned fan begins to whirr erratically in trepidation of the next $#&%!-flinging. It’s then that small, insignificant things begin to knock the wind out of me, little by little, until I don’t have any breath left. I don’t have any gumption left. I don’t remember ever winning. I’ve never had a victory. I’ll never have be the man I really want to be. I’ll never be the man God wants me to be. I am the Ultimate Loser.
My wife, Ellen, and I share this same feeling about ruts … except hers is lined with more guilt than velvet, and her worst case scenarios are more realistic than my fear of werewolves who know where I hide our house key.
To be continued … see part 2 of Fans, Fecal Matter, Ruts, and Praying Through.
Hum and Buzz: A book in progress
A full blown revolution is coming—an undertow stewing beneath society’s ocean. The guerillas aren’t bound together by age or ethnicity; you won’t recognize us by our political party, culture, music or clothing. Under the nose of unsuspecting masses we gather behind closed doors, discussing our options. We feel no other recourse but to make a stand and change our worlds. This is my people, my generation … working together to reconstruct Christianity. Our weapons: love, respect, purity, truth. Our leader: Jesus.
There is something we're refusing to acknowledge.
As a collection of essays, this book journals my first years as a young man planting a church in a highly cynical, subjective, naturalist community. Daily I am with people, dialoging about life and God, quickly finding myself sounding like a gold-fingered TBN preacher, making statements I don’t even believe. After slamming into a glass ceiling, I finally asked myself and God the larger questions of faith, purpose and life. My conclusions are revealing more problems.
I am becoming noticeably different from my leaders and considerably different from neighboring pastors. I don’t align with breezy, mainstream Christianity; and I no longer fit the rigid mold of my Apostolic-Pentecostal tradition. I feel lost.
I began to discuss these issues openly with others who had nothing to lose if they differed from any denominational flavor. Surprisingly, our conclusions are similar. I am stunned by their simple, sound biblical reasoning. They also feel bound to a disconnected faith tradition, but afraid to live outside it. I have stumbled upon an entire generation, boxed-in by fear and ignorance, desperately seeking the abundant life Jesus promised. It is a quiet undertow of Christianity. I am both horrified and inspired.
Our quest … our crusade … is genuine, with pure motives. How do we live according to Apostle’s teachings in the 21st century? How did we digress? Is return possible when our very questions and faith are invalidated by our religious institutions? If our whole life is worship to God, how do we put the fun back in fundamentalism? The purpose of this book isn’t to draw a line in the sand, separating us from traditionalists. Rather, it’s a creative presentation of our legitimacy—a review of biblical principles for inclusion amid differences over nonessential issues.
For Christianity to navigate through the present, we must pay close attention to the “hum and buzz of implication”; the whispered assessment of the intimate issues of life, and the elephants that others refuse to acknowledge. It’s the part of a culture that is never really stated, but is paramount in staging and activating larger events. These thoughts are spoken around kitchen tables, silent emails, in slang, humor, and music. It paints the backdrop for our future.
This book is simply a sound-bite of the hum and buzz of my generation, religious rogues. We’re not rebellious or bitter, but we cannot deny our zeal, passion, and calling. We have silently suffocated enough in our religious institutions. So here we stand, crying in the wilderness, calling for Christianity to become balanced and authentic … to return to Jesus.
Just bring it down the mountain to us. Part 2
Jesus has just come to correct all this wrong thinking among the Hebrews. Long story made short, 3 days after they killed him, he was raised from the dead. Before being airlifted into Heaven, he taught some of the more faithful Hebrews for another 40 days. He was telling them that the Spirit of Truth (a.k.a. Comforter) would soon guide them in God and in life. His last words were for his followers to wait in Jerusalem for what he called the baptism of the Holy Spirit.
Ten days later, they were in Jerusalem celebrating the Feast of Pentecost like all good Hebrews did. They were most likely talking about old Moe and God and the fire on Mt. Sinai … when a violent wind rushed through their midst. The source of this wind is an important detail of the story. It blew directly from Heaven (the same place Jesus had just ascended to).
The wind tore through the 2nd story room where they were sitting, and with it, fire. This fire came in as one blaze, but separated and became a singular flame above each person’s head. Reminiscent of Mt. Sinai bursting into fire as God descended onto it, each person in the room had a flame over their head as they were filled with the Holy Spirit. By yielding themselves to be filled with what Jesus called the Spirit of Truth, these ordinary people became the very priests that God had intended the whole nation of Israel to become.
Read the book of Acts for yourself. These Spirit-filled people were the ones to guide the rest of the world in truth, by forming what we call the church. Scripturally, everyone who became a part of the church was filled with the same Holy Spirit, which enabled them to be priests too. No wonder the early Christians turned the Roman Empire upside down. Every believer was empowered with the ability to know and hear the creator’s voice, to work on behalf of God. Two of the most famous events in the book of Acts were ignited by a couple of ordinary, unassuming young men who were chosen to serve food to old widows: Stephen and Philip.
What happened to the church since then? Where are the people who are filled with God’s spirit? Why are they silently passing through life … like the Hebrews and their superiority with the law? Will their indifference for others ever be judged?
These questions are constantly rolling around in my head today as I re-think being a pastor. It’s a daily issue. I always come back to one major concern. Am I willing to be a Moses? Am I willing to be the mediator between Jesus and his people, telling them what to do in every aspect of their lives? My first response is a shrug of the shoulders and a shy, “Sure.” I feel compelled by Jesus to teach people about him. That’s part of my calling. It’s necessary. It’s in the job description, right?
But then after looking at scripture and talking with God about it, I think, “Heck no!” God draws people to himself, fills them with his Spirit, forgives their sin through his blood, and walks with them throughout their lives. I’m just an overseer. I’m more like the sheep than I am the shepherd. I am an instrument of God’s truth (a priest), not because I’m a pastor … but because I’m filled with his Spirit.
Jesus said my duty as a Christian is to devote myself fully to him and to others … a ministry of reconciliation. As a pastor, I’m learning that it’s my job to keep pointing people back to Jesus (myself included). He’s the creator and healer and can work out the junk in their lives. I’ll love them, pray with them, baptize them, teach them, and live in community with them. But that’s still not enough, because I’m not Jesus. They need to know Jesus themselves. If people don’t yield to Jesus and receive his Spirit themselves, they’ll always be looking for me (or someone) to give them blow by blow details of how to live and what to do in every situation of their lives.
Like old Moe, I don’t want that responsibility, and I don’t think Jesus is putting it on his leaders. I’m always hearing of pastors going insane and running off with their secretaries because of the stress of the job. But I think it’s because they’re trying to be God for people. Nobody is built to handle that but Jesus.
The main reason I don’t think Jesus is putting this responsibility on me is because I have read the New Testament. Look closely at his requisites for salvation. One major thing that God requires is for humans to receive his Spirit into their physical body. It’s simple and mandatory. When a person yields to God and receives his Spirit, their human spirit is reconciled with God … which enables them to hear God for themselves. With the Holy Spirit in us, John says we “don’t need anyone to teach us” because his Spirit will lead us in all things. That’s why Jesus called this the Spirit of Truth. That’s why we become priests when we are filled by him.
On the other hand, because we have a tendency to do life on our own, to be selfish, we need pastors in our lives. They speak God’s truth when we need it and keep pointing us back to Jesus.
Remember Jesus calling himself the Comforter and the Spirit of Truth? He said he was with his followers at that time, but would soon be in them, guiding them. So, it’s by his Spirit (in us) that he leads us into truth. It’s by his Spirit (in us) that we can rightfully sing Matisyahu’s lyrics of being comforted, “You keep my mind at ease and my soul at rest, and not vexed.”
Without God’s Spirit in us, though, we don’t belong to God and we cannot enter into God’s kingdom. Why? Without receiving the Holy Spirit, individuals don’t know God’s thoughts, and are reduced to following laws, which almost always results in legalism. He doesn’t want his kingdom full of legalists. Look at the history of the Hebrews. It’s futile. The human tendency is to elevate the laws above God himself. Law-abiding Christians end up believing that knowing the laws is the same as knowing God’s heart. But God rejects that kind of thinking. He requires us to have a one-on-one experience with him.
When we yield to God and trust him fully, he fills us with his Spirit. But he’ll wait until we are ready. He’s a gentleman and doesn’t want to skeer us. Only then, when we have received his Spirit, will he claim us as his own.
As a pastor, I’m coming to the understanding that if people aren’t willing to receive God’s spirit, I can only do so much for them. I can’t ascend the mountain for people who won’t pursue God themselves. I won’t be like old Moe in this aspect. Though I’m young and eager, my knees are giving out from trying. There’s a ton of spiritually lazy, quazi-Christians hiding among us, wanting their leadership to struggle up the mountain and seek God’s will for their lives and then write it down like a personal growth plan. They just want rules because its easier that way. But they want no relationship or experience with God. This kind of easy lifestyle never pans out for anyone. They’re soon belly up, wondering what went wrong … angry that God doesn’t care, that their leadership was wrong again, and that the church is not relevant to their life.
This is where Derek Webb steps to the pulpit and throws his sticky, sarcastic lyrics in our faces.
Don’t teach me how to listen to the Spirit,
Just give me a new law.
I don’t wanna know if the answers aren’t easy,
So just bring it down from the mountain to me.
I want a new law.
Derek ends the song by addressing the fear that arises when we begin laying down our systems and living by God’s Spirit … when we recognize our need for him and really encounter God’s presence. Like Torino and the Hebrews, many of us have had an experience with God that makes us somewhat afraid of his presence. But genuine Christians must embrace both God’s searing holiness and God’s gentle love at the same time. If we are going to be led though this life by Jesus, we must be willing to experience him on a regular basis.
The last words of the song repeat over and over and over, like a marching drill or chant. To me, it’s like the repetitive sound of footsteps slowly ascending a mountain:
Do not be afraid.
Do not be afraid.
Do not be afraid.
Do not be afraid.
Do not be afraid.
My resolution is simple. Because climbing God’s mountain is skeery, I’ll climb with anyone who wants to go up the mountain. I’ll teach people how to yield to God, about being filled with his Spirit. I’ll coach them in listening to his voice and overcoming the fears of his presence. I’ll educate them in being a 21st century priest. I’ll teach them how to wrestle with God about the issues in their lives. But I will not haul a bunch of laws down from God’s mountain and expect anyone to live by them (except those in the bible). We live in a time when God no longer accepts that kind of relationship. He offers more, and expects more.
* * * *
So, what does Pentecost have to do with me, now, after all these years? Everything. It signifies the closing of an era when God overlooked legalism. Best of all, it signifies the beginning of a new era when we can be filled with his Spirit and always be in his presence. It means he knows our frustrations and will comfort us through them. It means we can hear God’s voice and understand God ourselves. It means my job as a pastor is to lead people back to Jesus so he can guide them through life. He is our creator, our pastor, our truth, our savior, our friend.
Sources:
Exodus 19:6; 20:18-20 … Too much to list here … see Exodus, Leviticus, and Deuteronomy
Acts 1:3-5; 2:1-4
Revelation 1:6; 5:10
1 John 2:26-27
John 14:15-20; 3:5;
Romans 8:9
1 Corinthians 2:14-16
Ronald Sider. Living Like Jesus. Baker Books, Grand Rapids, MI. 1996. p17.
Just bring it down the mountain to us. Part 1
This is a chapter in a book I’m still tweaking. Take a read and let me know what you think. Thanks, Toby.
When it comes to music, I’m a lyrics guy. I’m moved by good music, by someone’s ability to make an instrument talk to my emotions, to make me feel what they feel. But I’m changed by good lyrics. They probe my mind and open my eyes. Through good lyrics, I see life differently. I experience people differently. Each morning, I know when I can’t sleep any more because the lyrics of some song will be out for a stroll just behind my eyelids, and I begin analyzing them as they pass by.
This is probably because I’m an English major … which enables me to do absolutely nothing in the real world. With my ability to interpret e.e. cummings and dig impossible meanings from William Blake, I taught high school English for a year. In reality, I only taught teens how to dissect Eminem songs. Looking back, I see how my employment could have been a misappropriation of tax dollars. I’m glad nobody said that to my face, though; I probably would have thought it meant something really deep. Somehow I’d have connected anti-war politics and the lack of good education in the state of Louisiana with my purpose in life, and it would have seemed like a compliment.
Lately, there are two songs that I cannot push out of my mind: Matisyahu’s King Without A Crown, and Derek Webb’s A New Law. Both artists come from different cultures, create different styles of music, and have very different theological purposes in mind. Yet they come together and paint a picture in my mind. Whether my eyes are closed or open, I can’t listen to either of them without seeing Mt. Sinai on fire … the very first time when God spoke to his people without a mediator.
Imagine this situation with me. Let’s start with Moses. Don’t think of him as he was played by Charleton Heston in The Ten Commandments, all handsome and bronze. Think of him like he really is in the Bible, hairy and ticked off. He’s hairy because he’s a Middle-Eastern Hebrew before Gillette disposables were created. He’s ticked off because he has a strange ability to hear God’s voice. This may seem like a really neat gift, but what frustrates Moses about it is that when he tells the Hebrews (God’s chosen people) what God says … they don’t like it. They always have better ideas.
Trying desperately to be a good pastor, I’ve felt like Moses a few times. A young guy recently asked me what the Bible said about certain things that were going on in his life. I pointed out a few scriptures and explained them. He responded with a modified rendition of “That’s your interpretation! I can sleep with my girlfriend and rob banks if I want to because the Bible says God loves me like I am!”
Times like this make me think of all the CSI episodes I’ve seen. I close my eyes and rub my forehead, reminding myself, they always catch the murderer … no matter how meticulously it’s planned.
I like to think Moses and I would have gotten along like thieves. I could call him Moe he’d call me old Tobe, and we’d complain about God’s people to each other. We could give people bad advice and then watch them do the opposite, and then we could laugh at it all. I’m sure there would be times we’d be mischievous and take his rod (that turned into a snake) and slip it into different people’s tents, just to see their reactions. We’d be good friends. I bet Moe would agree that leading people to God is like trying to herd cats.
In reality, Moses was totally frustrated with the Hebrews. He was tired of the responsibility of leading them when they weren’t in sync with God’s master plan. He didn’t want to be their mediator anymore. After a while, God told Moses to prepare the people to hear God for themselves … directly, without a middle man, without an interpreter, one on one. Imagine the look on Moses’ face! He had to have been ecstatic. His mediating job was over. The people would soon be listening to God all for themselves. And Moe could just walk away from them and go pick flowers if he wanted to. Every Hebrew was about to become their own priest. They would all be able to communicate with God, and could each teach the world what God wanted from humanity. Israel would be known as a nation of priests. The people were excited, and took 3 days to prepare themselves.
The day arrives. The Hebrews all approach the base of Mt. Sinai and wait. Suddenly, God shows up. The mountain bursts into flames. Smoke mushrooms into the sky and blocks out the sun. Darkness shrouds them as lightening flashes through the smoke, illuminating the silhouette of the mountain. Fierce winds rage through the flames, sounding like trumpets, blowing down the slopes to the people. The immense heat of the fire reddens their faces. The voice of God rumbles like thunder down to the people, and for the first time in their lives, they hear the voice of God. They had seen his handiwork in all the plagues in Egypt, and in the opening of the Red Sea, but at this moment he spoke to them individually: the creator to his creation. The distant, supernatural God they believed in was suddenly not so distant. Matisyahu’s lyrics set the scene:
I look to the sky, where my help comes from,
Seen it circling down from the mountain.
Thunder! You feel it in your chest.
You keep my mind at ease
And my soul at rest, and not vexed.
I love Matisyahu’s flair and intensity. Being a convert to Judaism, he offers what traditional Hebrews want to remember of this event; that the presence of their deliverer set them at ease, the Torah bringing rest to their souls. But that’s hardly what happened! Moses refers to this interaction a few times and records how coldly the people respond to their God. Basically, his presence made them uncomfortable and they did not want to hear from him again. They were afraid of God. Being a nation of priests wasn’t worth dealing with these scary elements surrounding God’s presence. The conversation between God and the Hebrews was over.
My friend Torino told me about a similar experience, when God’s presence scared the pudding out of him. He said he was going through a really hard time of loneliness and had just read a book about how God’s Spirit is real and alive and comforts us if we ask, that He responds to us in real time. A little wigged out, but curious, Torino sat on his mom’s plastic covered couch, wondering what words to speak to conjure God into the room. He said he was nervous and looked to the ceiling and just muttered, “God, please come in here and … uh … I guess … uh … sit with me.” That’s when he got really freaked out.
“Why’d you get scared?” I asked.
“The cushion next me sunked down, like somebody had just sat in it!” I still remember the look in his brown eyes when he said it, and the way he spread his fingers and pushed his hands down through the air. It scared me. I had only been interested in God for about a month at the time. This was a bit much for me.
“What did you do?” I asked.
“I run out of the house!” He loves telling this story, because he likes the ending. “After walking round the block, I told the Lord that he skeered me. I said I wanted him to be wit me, but I don’t want to be skeered of him.” This is when he would launch into his God is a gentleman speech, telling how God is gentle with us and won’t push himself on us … but that he is Spirit and we have to understand that the spiritual realm is real. Torino is not the model citizen, he has his own issues. But he can tune into God when he needs to, and does a pretty good job of telling others how they can do it too.
The problem with the Hebrews at Mt. Sinai that day, is that they heard God and deliberately chose not to listen again, ever. They turned back to Moses, “You just tell us what to do. Don’t let God talk to us.” That’s when Moe (ticked off again) went up the mountain alone. I don’t blame him, but I would have gone over the mountain and into the promise land all by myself. Forty days later Moses returned with a print-off of what God had just spoken to them; the Ten Commandments.
Since the Hebrews refused to follow God directly, he gave Moses hundreds of laws to govern his whiny people. I think it was punishment for their unwillingness to become the priests he wanted them to be. So, God dictated every gamut of their lives, from clothing to food to sex and work. He also mandated holidays (holy days) for them, a time to reminisce about God’s providence. One in particular was called the Feast of Pentecost. It was primarily to celebrate the law given to Moses on Mt. Sinai. But they often focused on the wrong part of it. They usually celebrated being the only people in the world to whom the creator could entrust his laws. How quickly they forgot. They could have been priests, teaching the world how to be reconciled with God. Instead, they settled for feeling superior that they knew God’s laws, while others didn’t.
(This is the end of part 1. Please turn the tape over and press play for part 2.)
